Modern Wife Life

We all know a "Cradle Snatcher"/ a "Cougar"/ etc.....  a.k.a. that twenty-eight year old, bombshell-blonde, high school biology teacher who makes an obvious effort to  make her flirtatious relationships with her male students seem inconspicuous.  She always wears tight pencil skirts and her shirts always seem like they should be closed 1 more button than they are.... and it's not by accident. You get my drift?  Her male students love her, and her female students love to hate her.  

Today I walked into the Dillards in Newport News, VA and saw a mannequin in the lingerie department wearing what appeared to be a nude-colored, bike leotard.  Sexy, right? 
Then I noticed the sea of racks showcasing these ugly shape-wear body suits.  It made me think... What do men say when they find out that their girlfriend has actually been wearing sausage casing for the past two months, and that her stomach isn't actually as hard as the ivory boning in her shape-wear?  
Then I wondered how a guy would react in the very moment that her "armor of deceit" was revealed .  
Picture this: You and your boyfriend are having a nice evening out at the movies.  Afterwords, you go out for ice cream at the local Baskin Robbins.  You finish your entire bowl of Cookies N' Cream (because you have your shape-wear on, and of course, it will hide your food-baby).  He takes you back to your place, and you invite him inside to "talk", if you get my drift.  After "talking" for a while he exclaims,  "WOAHHH! What is that thing around your stomach?!!!" .... The truth comes out. You must explain that you're neither wearing a one piece swimsuit, nor a back-brace.  How awkward is that?  
Anyways, what is the verdict on these things?  I know that sometimes they are necessary (i.e. formal wear), but really, who are you trying to hide from?  

DRAMA: Nothing good happens after midnight. So don't press "send" on that impulsive text message, and don't make that phone call that you know you shouldn't make.  Actually- I put my phone on silent.

RELATIONSHIPS: Leave at the height of impulse.  In relationships (that you value), platonic or romantic, it's best to end your interactions on a good note.  Leave the other person feeling good about the interaction... wanting more.  Don't wait until things get boring, and don't give them too much of yourself too soon.  Let's put it in college terms: You're at a party. A guy is into you, and you're into him.  You're talking and you have just given him your number. What now?  DO make him laugh and maybe give him a hug or touch his arm, but if you're actually interested then DON'T go home with him.  I can already hear your phone ringing.

RELIGION: Oftentimes the best way to show God's love is by example.  Others will see that you have "something" in your life that is missing from theirs.  This "something" shows itself through your joy, your freedom, your openness, your willingness to listen, loyalty in relationships, eagerness to relate, through everyday conversation, and through the manner in which you deal with difficult circumstances.  It's in your eyes, your smile. They will see God's love dwelling within your spirit, and this is your opportunity to share it.  Let them reciprocate in sharing their thoughts.  Truly listen. It will draw them in, rather than push them away.

HATERS: Consider the source. This one is simple. If you don't know someone, and more importantly, if they don't know you, then take criticism with a grain of salt.  No need to be offended by their words.  Just like a pimp- brush yo shoulders off.

SELF-HELP: Google offers so much wisdom.  I use Google to get personal advice, relationship advice, spiritual advice, professional advice, etc.   I'll be honest. When I was a freshman in high school I googled "how to slow dance with a boy".  Haha, I know.

YOU: Don't let others define you.  This seems totally unoriginal, but I'm dead serious.  Don't let others make your decisions or tell you how to live your life.  You be you.  You are an original masterpiece, created by God.  Everyone is different, yet of equal importance.  Don't let anyone try to mold you into the person they think you should be.  You will feel diminished, and your spirit will be crushed.  Remember: be you, because you are fricken awesome.

FINANCE: Never carry a balance.  This can be a sensitive subject for some people, and I don't mean to offend anyone.  My parents are a bit on the, ehem, older side of the spectrum, and I admire their depression-era financial values: Avoid loans. Save, save, save. Make smart investments. Pay the full balance of your credit card(s) every month. Use coupons (my mom mails them to me when I'm at school, haha). Gotta love it.

ACCESSORIES: Rule of thumb- Brown accessories and Silver jewelry.  For example, it's easier to pair a brown belt with a black dress than it is a black belt with a brown dress... um, do you follow?  As far as jewelry,  silver is more versatile than brassy gold.  In general, these shades are more timeless and less "harsh."

YOUR BOOTY: Invest your $$$... in a pair of dark wash jeans that fit you like a glove.  They'll make your booty pop.  Now who could put a price on that?

Some think she looks "too grown up" for her age, but I think that 4 year-old Suri Cruise is Hollywood's most stylish little babe.  Honestly, those tiny heels?  How adorable!  I can't wait to see her in 10 years.  I predict she'll be like modest fashion icon, Emma Watson, rather than sexbomb, Megan Fox.   Scientologist daddy, Tom Cruise, wouldn't have it. 

1. I take Steroids.  Two words: Biotin Baby.  This stuff is like protein powder for guys who want to build muscle mass.   It says you can take between 1 to 5 tablets daily!  Be careful because it can be harmful to your kidneys if you take too much.  But hey, I like to live on the edge.  It's only $1.75 per bottle at Target.
2.  I stay away from trims.  Even though people claim that regular trims increase hair growth, it actually just prevents further breakage at your ends.  If you are taking steps to prevent breakage, then you will notice fewer split ends, and you can go longer before you need a trim.
3. I only shampoo 1x a month.  I can sense your judgments from here.  Honestly, shampoo is TERRIBLE for curly hair, stripping the strands of any natural oils, leaving them dry and brittle like raw, uncooked spaghetti noodles.  Instead I use conditioner to wash my hair, except for 1x month when I use a clarifying shampoo to eliminate product build-up.
4. I use ethnic hair products.  Yes, that's right, I buy a lot of products in the natural/relaxed hair section, right next to the weave-caps.  From Jojoba hot oil treatments to hair "lotions," I find a lot of products here that help my hair from drying out.