Fashion Advice: 8 Ways to NOT Get Hit On

Tonight I had to make a run to Walmart for some groceries.  It's not just any Walmart.  It's a creepy Walmart... especially when you're alone after dark.  I will even go out on the limb and bet that anything with a set of boobs would get hit on within 10 minutes of being there.  No woman, whether single or taken, wants to be bombarded with crude comments from sleazy guys who appear to be undressing you with their eyes.  Those guys give men a bad name.  Here are a few fashion guidelines to follow when you're in a situation where you DON'T want to get hit on.
1. Wear lots of clothes.
Don't show off your figure at all.  For example, wear a cami, a shirt, a jacket, loose-fitting jeans, and two pairs of socks. It's like the equivalent of a chastity belt.
2. Look like a man.
Wear a guy's sweatshirt and some basketball shorts.  Oh, and leave your purse in the car. 
3. Wear a hat.
Robbers wear hats to disguise their identities.  You can do this to disguise your pretty face.
4. Walk like you're from NYC.

I've never been to NYC, but I hear that they do not stop or move out of the way for anyone.  You can bet no guy will bother you.
5. Don't smile.
Smiling says, "Come talk to me."  A stern mouth says, "Leave me alone, I'm a cold-hearted __insert word of choice__."
6. Rock that ring.
Get a fake engagement ring from Claire's to fend off the "stalker type" who will make the effort to search your hand.  They don't hit on you just for the thrill of it.  They hit on you with the hopes of, someday, bringing you home to mama.
7. Don't define your waist, your butt, your hips, or your boobs. 
If a guy sees any of the above, he is more likely to get some ideas.  
8.  Don't dress like you want to have a "good time". 
This means, don't dress like you're on your way to the bars.  If you're walking around Walmart in stripper-high heels, a tight black mini, a plunging neckline, and anything from Ami Clubwear (http://www.amiclubwear.com/), you're basically asking for it. 

Use these tips and you will almost certainly not get hit on.  Thanks for reading! 

XOXO, Dylan

P.S. There is a lot of sarcasm here, so don't be offended.